Busy Morning

Last night I was watching a 1986 film called Caravaggio, directed by Derek Jarman. The film opens in 1610, with the famed Italian painter Michaelangelo Caravaggio (Nigel Terry) on his death bed, and looking back over his short but eventful life. His life is depicted in a series of episodes which are lit and shot in a way that they match Caravaggio's paintings. Most of the film is concerned with the love triangle between Caravaggio, his muse (Tilda Swinton) and model (Sean Bean). This is probably Derek Jarman's most accessible and enjoyable film. He started out as a painter himself and directs with great feel for the art work. A curious aspect of the film is the deliberate inclusion of anachronistic details, such as electric lighting, pocket calculators and modern dress.

This morning I had a letter arrive that told me that I am to appear in court at the end of next month as a prosecution witness. It must be due to my robbery a few months ago. I am actually really nervous, but hopefully that will be the end of it all.

I went out to the shops today, and tried to renew my bus pass, but my bank card is still not working so I went to the bank and it turned out that it could be fixed very easily, but they still gave me the wrong instructions. Luckily I was able to figure it out for myself, and I think that's it working now. I bought some DVDs in the sales: Goldfinger, Forbidden Planet, Blade Runner: The Final Cut and Doctor Who: The Mind Robber. I also went and bought the book Rebecca by Daphne du Maurier which is the next book group book. I've never read it before but I liked the Alfred Hitchcock film of it. I also picked up another Daphne du Maurier book called Don't Look Now and Other Stories. Don't Look Now was turned into a very scary film by Nicolas Roeg. I also got a book called The Book of General Ignorance as a Mother's Day present. It's based on TV series called Q.I. which I know my mum loves.

Office Christmas Lunch

Last night I was watching another episode of The Twilight Zone. This episode was called "Dead Man's Shoes" which was about a homeless guy who steals the shoes from a dead gangster only to find himself possessed by the spirit of the dead man, who wants revenge.

I got up quite early today and I was only in work for about three and a half hours this morning. The reason was for our office Christmas lunch. We went to a place called Smokestack, which was a really nice restaurant. I had cream cheese wrapped in smoked salmon for the starter, a medium cooked steak with french fries for the main course, and a large slice of chocolate fudge cake with ice cream for dessert. I had a pint of Tennants beer to drink. Originally, I had been expecting to be picked up by the police to go to a video identification parade in connection with my robbery. However, I had a phone call on my mobile telephone to tell me that the ID parade had been cancelled due to some legal problem. Apparently, they'll phone me when there are further developments. It just seems never ending right now.

After the restaurant we went to a bar called The Basement, which was quite nice. I had about three pints of beer, but I couldn't help feeling very concerned about the whole police business and everything. After that we went to a place called Lloyds where I didn't drink anything and left soon after. I got back home okay.

Still no word from Michele.

Thursday Could Be Interesting...

I watched a couple of episodes of The Twilight Zone last night again: I saw "Quality of Mercy" which was set in the Philippines at the end of World War II and starred Dean Stockwell as a really gung-ho young lieutenant who takes control of a war-weary band of soldiers and orders them to make an almost-suicidal attack on a cave occupied by twenty or thirty, mostly sick and wounded, enemy soldiers, when they could just as easily bypass it altogether. Then the lieutenant suddenly finds himself as a Japanese soldier two years earlier ordered to attack a cave full of American soldiers. Leonard Nimoy appeared in the episode in a small role. Then I saw "Nothing in the Dark" about an elderly woman living in a decaying flat in a condemned tenement who refuses to step outside the door, because she is convinced she is being stalked by 'Mr. Death', however when a young policeman (played by a very young Robert Redford) is seriously wounded just outside her door, she decides to take a chance. Finally I watched an episode called "One More Pallbearer", about an extremely wealthy and extremely unpleasant man who creates a nuclear bomb shelter and brings together three people he believes have humiliated him in his past, in order to trick them into believing that the world has been destroyed. They were good episodes, except for the ending of the third one which slightly spoiled an otherwise fine episode, by having one too many twists.

A solution has been reached about the situation on Thursday. Apparently after the Christmas lunch the police are going to come and pick me up from the restaurant (which should be interesting) and take me to the station, and after I've finished, they'll take me where ever I want to go and drop me off, so if people are going on someplace, or I want to go back home, or mum said she would meet me either at my parent's house or in town for a drink. Apparently, the guy they've got is wanted for a number of other crimes, so apparently it's almost certain he'll be put away for something, but I'm the only witness to my robbery (apparently the police haven't been able to track down the woman who helped me), so if he is the right one they'll pin that on him. I really, really hope that it is the right guy this time, because I really want it all to be over, so I can just forget about the incident as best I can.

I still haven't heard from Michele.

Some Concerns

The start of another dull week at work. Our office Christmas lunch is this Thursday at a place called the Smokestack, which should be nice. Or at least it should be, however when I got home from work today there was a message on my answering machine asking if I could go to a police station on Thursday for a video identification parade in connection with the robbery a couple of weeks ago. However it's this Thursday afternoon, the same time as my Christmas lunch (for which, I might add, I have already paid), and I don't really want to miss it anyway. I'll have to phone up tomorrow and ask if I can go to the police station on Thursday morning, which will mean taking a day off work, but I do want this all sorted out as soon as possible.

Also I have not heard from Michele for a few weeks, despite sending her two text messages and two e-mails. I hope I haven't upset her, but I honestly cannot imagine what I could have done, because we both had a very nice time the last time we met up, the same as we always have done. Also she's not the kind of person to just ignore someone. Maybe she's just been busy, I don't know. Although, to be honest, I can't help but feel a little hurt. I'll just have to see if she gets back in touch.

A Day Off

Last night I saw a few more episodes of the original series of The Twilight Zone: I saw "The Grave" a Western ghost story starring Lee Marvin as a hired gun who rides into town to find his quarry has already been gunned down by a posse, but not before stating that if his pursuer ever comes anywhere near his grave then he will rise up and get him, "It's a Good Life" a very famous episode about a small town in Ohio which is ruthlessley controlled by a six year old boy who can read minds and can make horrifying things happen to anyone who displeases him, "Death's-Head Revisited" about a former SS captain who visits the site of a concentration camp he used to run where he is confronted by the ghosts of his victims and "The Midnight Sun" in which the Earth is rapidly moving into the sun and humanity is facing a horrible death.

I had the day off work today for Emily's birthday. I went up with her present (a copy of Collected Ghost Stories by M.R. James), and we walked down to the Standing Order for a meal. We were a little too late for breakfast so I had some fish and chips with peas and a pint of beer. After that we looked around at some of the shops befor going our seperate ways. We had originally planned to go to the zoo but it was far too wet to do that, which was a pity, but it was a nice time anyway.

When I got home there was a message from the police about my robbery. Apparently they have got the guy that they think did it and has, apparently, been responsible for several other similar robberies in the local area. They wanted me to call back before four so they could clarify a few points on my statement, so I phoned back on the number left but it came back with a message saying "number temporarily out of order". I phoned the police station several times without any answer. Finally I did get through at about ten to four and the woman who left the original message wasn't there and so I left a message for her. They'll probably get back to me sometime on Monday I'd imagine. At least things are progressing anyway.

Pulse

I had another really bad night's sleep last night. For some reason even when I'm in my bed I just couldn't drop off to sleep.

It was another really dull day at work. I was supposed to be on some training thing this afternoon, but it was cancelled at almost literally the last minute. Apparently the person organising it had made a mistake with her scheduling.I also had to go to a brief meeting with the "Team Leader" about taking the two days after my robbery off on sick leave. Apparently they have to have these meetings to make sure that people don't use too much sick leave. Considering that this is only the second time I've used sick leave in the four and a half years I've been working there, I think I'm off the hook. The first time was when I came down with a viral infection in October 2003.

After work I went up to see Emily, and had some very nice spaghetti bolognese, which she'd made. Then we watched a DVD of the film Pulse, directed by Jim Sonzero. The film is a remake of a 2001 Japanese horror film, and stars Kristen Bell as a student whose friends seem to be comitting suicide after ghostly visitations, apparently caused by a computer signal. I've not seen the original, but it was a fun and enjoyable movie. It was a very nice evening. My dad came and brought me back home. I do think I am slowly starting to get more comfortable being out after dark again after my robbery, and hopefully it won't be long before things are back to normal again. It is slightly embarrassing being collected by my dad (although it is very nice of him to do it). It's just for a week or two though, until I get more comfortable with being out.

The Darjeeling Limited

I saw another few epispdes of The Twilight Zone last night: One was "The Arrival" about a plane that lands at an airport with no passengers or crew, "The Passersby" about a widow of the American Civil War who lives next to a road travelled by the ghosts of the war dead, "A Game of Pool" about a pool player who longs to be the best ever and challenges the ghost of a legendary player to a game with very high stakes, and "The Mirror" about a Central American dictator (played by a very young Peter Falk)who owns a magical mirror in which he can see would-be assassins.

It was another very dull day at work today, but it was at least short. I left work early to go up to the Cineworld cinema to meet my mum. I usually meet my mum at the Cafe/Bar on the upper level of the cinema but it was closed when I arrived at about quarter to five, although it is supposed to open up at half past four, and so I went and had a mocha coffee at a small coffee stand next to the cinema. Mum arrived about quarter past five. The film we saw was The Darjeeling Limited, directed by Wes Anderson, which starred Jason Schwartzman, Adrien Brody and Owen Wilson as three brothers whose father died a year previously and whose mother has left the family, and who decide to take a spiritual journey through India by train (on the "Darjeeling Limited") in order to reconnect with each other and themselves. I really like Wes Anderson's films and I really liked this one, which had the usual blend of quirkiness, humour, heart and intelligence. There was a short film before it called Hotel Chevalier, also directed by Anderson, which starred Jason Schwartzman and Natalie Portman as a couple who meet in a hotel in Paris and serves as something of a prequel to The Darjeeling Limited.

I went back to my parent's house for dinner and we had meatloaf in onion gravy, mashed potatoes with peas, and a chocolate eclair with cream for dessert, and a glass of red wine. It was a very nice evening. My Dad gave me a lift home, and I was really worried there might be another run-in with the robber, if he was hanging around but luckily he was nowhere to be seen, this time.

The Creature From the Black Lagoon

I had an appointment today with the Welfare Officer at work this morning. The main reason for the visit was last week's robbery, but we also discussed my depression, low self-esteem and general unhappiness at work. He lent me a personal alarm, to make me feel safer going out on the streets after dark. basically it's a small device that can be clipped on to the belt and if the string is pulled it makes a horrendous loud noise, something between a siren and a screech. I was up there for about an hour and ten minutes.

The rest of the day was very quiet. There wasn't much work in at all and that which was there was pretty much all complex stuff that had to be referred for checking, and so not much actually got done. in the end I just got fed up and left about half an hour earlier that I probably should have.

I had an incident free journey home and I'm now sitting here watching The Creature From the Black Lagoon, directed by Jack Arnold. It's a horror film from 1954 about a scientific expedition which discover a strange fossilised hand in the South American jungle. A further expedition is despatched to the remote area, known locally as the "Black Lagoon", near where the fossil was found. They soon find that the Lagoon is inhabited by an intelligent humanoid fish monster, which soon develops a huge crush on the party's sole female member (Julia Adams). The film was really popular in it's day. Today it seems very dated, with terrible acting and the "Gill-Man" monster never quite recovers from the fact that it looks very obviously like a man in a rubber monster suit. It also suffers from avery predictable story. However, despite that, it is very effective. The underwater sequences are extremely impressive, the Gill-Man is depicted quite sympathetically and it is quite unusually sexual as well for the time. The famous scene in the film is where the woman is swimming in the lagoon in a white swimsuit and in the water beneath her the Gill-Man is imitating her moves.

Rescue Dawn

It was another really quiet day at work today. One of my friends got into work at around twelve and took about a four hour lunch. During the afternoon I had about twenty angry text messages from his girlfriend who was worried that he was drunk. Of course I wasn't with him, so I didn't know. One thing is that he is sitting next to one of the bosses now so he'll have to be really careful.

This evening I went along to the Vue Cinema to see a preview screening of Rescue Dawn, directed by Werner Herzog. Based on true events, the film is set in 1965 and tells of the story of Dieter Dengler (played by Christian Bale), a US fighter pilot, who crashes in the jungles of Vietnam. Shortly afterwards, he is captured and held as a prisoner of war. Trapped in horrendous conditions, Dengler comes up with an audacious plan to escape. Herzog first dealt with the Dieter Dengler story in a 1997 documentary called Little Dieter Needs to Fly. The film is powerful, exciting and entertaining, being more like a survival adventure film than a war movie. However it has attracted controversy from the friends and family members of some of the people depicted in the film, who claim that they have been misrepresented. Of course, there are plenty of famous stories about the insanity of previous Herzog films: On the set of Even Dwarves Started Small Herzog jumped naked into a cactus patch to apologise for setting one of the cast members on fire and running him over with a car. On the set of Aguirre, the Wrath of God Herzog threatened to shoot dead the actor Klaus Kinski when he threatened to walk off the set (on that same film Kinski had fired three random shots into a hut filled with partying extras because he thought they were making too much noise, and almost killed another actor by hitting him on the head with a sword). Herzog also ate one of his shoes for a documentary, and once walked from Munich to Paris because he thought it would stop a friend of his from dying. I think the craziest story from the set of Rescue Dawn was that Herzog ate live maggots with Christian Bale.

I walked home, the first time I had done so since my robbery, and on the way as I was about to head into my road, I saw the guy who did it on the other side of the road. He didn't see me, he was too busy trying to beg money off passers by, and then he vanished, so I was able to cross the road and get home without being spotted. That was quite disturbing.

My mum had been in my flat today because some workmen came to finish off the work to the windows. The windowsills and frames still have to be painted though. I've got a dentist appointment tomorrow.

Back at Work

I went back to work today, for the first time since my robbery. The police phoned a couple of times. Apparently someone had been arrested had been arrested this morning for robbing someone else in the same area, and the description and method used by the robber matched what I had told them. A couple of police officers came to my work at lunchtime with some photos to see if I could identify the robber. The one that I picked out apparently wasn't the guy they have in custody, but they said that they would question him about what happened to me anyway.

The rest of the day at work was pretty dull. The same as usual, really.

Emily met me at my work and we went over to my place. We ordered a chicken supreme pizza, and watched the first fifteen minutes of Wes Craven's Last House on the Left, which Emily didn't really enjoy, so we replaced it with The Royal Tenenbaums, a 2002 film directed by Wes Anderson, about an eccentric family, whose three children initially showed signs of genius but their early success faded away as they all reached adulthood. It's a very quirky film, but I really find it very funny, and I think that Emily enjoyed it. She headed back home after the film ended.

As I wrote a few days earlier I have been thinking a lot about things over the past few weeks. I always think that one of my main problems is that I tend to be constantly afraid of what might happen, in any given or imagined situation. For some reason I always imagine the worst happening.

Another Day

I was off work today. My friend Joe telephoned to make sure that I was okay. I went up and saw Emily. We walked down along Princes Street and stopped off at HMV. I'd planned to go out anyway and get some DVDs to cheer myself up a bit. I did buy some DVDs in the sales: Doctor Who: Resurrection of the Daleks, Pan's Labyrinth (a film which terrified my friend Michele), Hot Fuzz and The Big Lebowski. I have been trying to budget my money recently, but I thought I would just treat myself, given the last few days. After that we went along to the Rutland for lunch (we had fish and chips, which was very nice). Emily really has been very good to me over the past couple of days.

On the way home I stopped off at the corner shop close to my home and bought some milk and a copy of Radio Times. The guy is the shop asked if I was the one who was robbed a few days ago and I said that I was. He said that the robber had been picked up by the police yesterday morning, hanging around outside the shop, which was where I encountered him. Apparently he was a drug addict who had been trying to beg money from people and obviously, as was the case with me, try to rob them. I hadn't heard anything about him being arrested do I hope it actually was the same one that they picked up. I'm still feeling extremely disturbed by everything that has happened. In fact I'm still not comfortable with being out after dark. It may take some time before I'm back to normal. My emotions have been very close to the surface for the past day or so and I've been getting upset far easier than usual. Hopefully it will pass soon.

I've Been Robbed

Last night I went to see a friend of mine, and we went to see a show called "Unspoken Conversations" at the Bedlam Theatre. After the show we seperated to go to our own homes. Anyway, after I got off the bus at my home I was robbed, just a few steps from my door. Some guy came up to me and asked for one pound to buy chewing gum. I said I didn't have it. He kept on at me and said if I didn't give him a pound he would beat me up. I got out my wallet and rooted through for a pound and he grabbed my wallet. I tried to pull it back. He said if I didn't let go he would beat me up. So I did. He ran off. I had attracted the attention of a passer-by, who ran after him but lost him. She saw me back home and I reported the incident to the police, who came round and took a statement from me and the passer-by who gave her name and details as a witness. I spent last night at my parents.

I went out today with Emily and had a drink, which helped a lot. I went back to my flat, I wanted to at least spend one night there, even if just to prove to myself. my friend Alan came round and went out with him and Jackie for a drink.

I feel even more ashamed of myself than I do usually. I should have fought more, and I feel weak for letting him get away with my wallet. My mum sent me a text a few hours ago and said that she loved me, but I feel that my entire life I've let them down. My brother is out there at the West End in London, playing in the orchestra for "King Lear" with Ian McKellan, and I'm just nobody. My poor Gran, always had faith in me, she always thought I was going to be somebody in the world and mean something. I could never make her proud of me in life, but I alway wanted to jusatify her faith in me and her love for me. I may be nothing, but I want to make the people who love me or care about me proud. I just want to mean something.