Quiet Day

Last night was pretty quiet. Today was my third day on the training course at work. As a result I managed to leave work at about five to three. On my way home I went and had a couple of drinks at a bar, which I had always kind of meant to try but never really got round to, despite it being only a couple of blocks from my home.

It was interesting watching The X-Files movie yesterday. I can remember it when it first started. I used to watch ot all the time and I can remember when it became a really big thing in around 1995, because that was a really important time in my life (it was the year I left high school - which I hated - and started college - which I liked). It's hard to believe it was as long ago as that. Something which has really been bugging me for the past few years is the feeling that I'm running out of time. I'm going to be thirty in December which (as my friend Alice said) is my "scary age". I mean Orson Welles was twenty-five when he made Citizen Kane, Jim Morrison and Kurt Cobain were younger than me when they died. The thing is that when there are things that I want to do, I'm so convinced of my own failure that I don't actually go for them, and I hate myself for feeling that way, which does not help my self-esteem, so it beomes like a circle. Also due to my lack of self-confidence and shyness, not to mention my ugliness and weird voice (in my head I sound like Malcolm McDowell, in reality I sound like someone gargling soup) I have no luck with women, which makes me feel more bitter and depressed. Also I am kind of an idiot (I have done more than a few dumb things in my time).

Actually the whole of that previous paragraph is kind of stupid, I just can't think of anything to post about.